“ Morning’s rough, it don’t give a damn about the mission
Has no aesthetic or tradition
only lessons never learnt
And I’d had enough, about a month ago tomorrow
Parting holds no trace of sorrow
for the bitter and the burned “ - Jason Isbell -
I rolled out of bed this morning, 4:15 am. It was still dark outside. A sure sign that the seasons are changing. Outside, the city lay fast asleep with its gold and neon lights playing on the mirror-like water in the bay. In the West, the early dark purple and orange were announcing the arrival of a brand new day in The Gulf. I pulled a chair to my favorite spot in front of the panoramic window in my apartment, and tuned my guitar, lightly fingering the strings until the chords sounded right. On the table next to me I had my notebook and a plunger with freshly brewed coffee.
I always thought that following this morning routine would be easy and it seemed that way when it started but I soon realized just how consumed I had become with my phone and constant dopamine hits. Granted, my phone is my office but the constant input and stimulus started wearing on me. The infinite podcasts, playlists, emails, whatsapp messages and other inputs had plunged me into a form of online fatigue where I was constantly exhausted, anxious and occupied. I truly enjoy the podcasts and music I consume. I love running the farm, doing my planning and sending the emails and messages required but I realized that it had become a monster that demanded to be fed but impossible to satisfy. The quicker I answered messages and emails, the more efficient I became with addressing my ever present to-do list the more things got piled up, the more demanding people became and having access to me at any and all times of day got me to a point where I had to put a stop it all. Too much of a good thing is still too much and that can have far reaching effects on a persons mental health. I bought a traditional, analog alarm clock, put my phone in the kitchen far away from me when I go to sleep and I decided to limit my screen time. I don’t look at my phone for at least two hours before or after bed and I no longer pull it out of my pocket whenever I have a free moment or feeling “bored”. I was astonished at just how conditioned I had become. During quiet moments it literally felt like my phone was on fire in my pocket. My brain just wanted it. Just habit, no necessity. It was worse than any craving I had ever experienced. Initially I was worried that I might let my admin slip, that I might neglect friends and family by not being accessible at all hours but it turned out that the world kept spinning, life continued without me for those four hours and soon I started feeling lighter. These days I have more time to think and reflect on things. I feel way more creative. Not being on my phone at a coffee shop or restaurant allows me to notice things, to observe people and real life. That, after all, is the job of a songwriter. To live life, to observe and to interpret and share stories with empathy. I cant believe I let it get that far. I read my books, write, play guitar, train hard and cook my own food. Life is good.
Another habit that somehow got lost along the way is stopping for a few minutes a day to reflect on life with gratitude. So many people are living in a world of chaos, hardship and strife. Millions go hungry with no hope of a better life or more suitable opportunities. For the majority of the world, suffering and uncertainty rule the way of life. All of us fall on hard times and we all know at least one or more people struggling in this world. We all know that death is coming for us and most of us take our health for granted. I made a conscious decision to live a life of service and gratitude because I am truly grateful for this wild, weird wonderful life I get to live. This morning I also spared a few minutes to reflect on the relationship I have with my sister. She will be turning forty on the 17th of September and I wont be there to celebrate with her but she knows that she is always on my mind. We grew up working hard on the farm. We always had clothes to wear and food to eat but we didn’t have a lot of money. Our school holidays and weekends meant working long hours on the farm but we always had the love and care of our grandparents and Mom and Dad. Above all, we always had each other. We are still best friends. She is the best person I know and a way better farmer than I will ever be. I am grateful to have her in my life and in my corner. She never complains, never gives up and always makes space at the dinner table for my many friends that visit the farm.
She makes me want to be a better person. She leads by example. She is a star you can guide your ship by.
Spring is rolling around on the farm and we are preparing for the planting season, cows are calving and we’ve already received a decent first sprinkle of rain. I am working on songs again and enjoying my new found freedom through discipline and perseverance.
JB