I rolled over in bed. It was a Sunday in April. Rays of early morning sunlight came falling in through the window blinds and splashed her bare back and the sheets with a deep, early dawn gold. I sat there in silence and listened to her breathing softly.. in and out and in again. I was ready for a pot or fresh coffee and the dog was stretching in the corner. I looked around the room, taking it all in and I felt momentarily at peace. I love mornings. That time when the world is slowly waking up and you still have a few moments without the days daily demands to just sit with your thoughts.
These days I focus hard on how I handle my daily routine. Being a shift worker with two early mornings, two afternoons and two nightshifts per cycle I’ve developed routines for every shift. I cook, do some kind of training and deal with whatever admin is required. I keep it strict. I let discipline lead the way because often willpower won’t be enough. So, I don’t care how I’m feeling, I get up, get dressed and get going. It is the same on the farm. I wake up real early, do the planning for the day and have coffee with my folks before my team arrives. Daybreak on farm is one of my life’s many blessings. Fresh dew, birds beginning to chirp and the farm waking up. Cattle and goats calling, pheasants screeching. Thick fog lining the stream in the bottom sections during early Fall.
This morning I woke up and put on the brand new Craig Finn album. It’s already getting hot here in the desert and this summer will surely be another challenge. My mind kept drifting to my friends back home getting ready to depart for their new lives in Australia as Air Traffic Controllers. Things have been deteriorating at our former service provider and lately there’s been an unprecedented exodus of qualified controllers moving to other countries in search of better pay, better opportunities for their families and more suitable working conditions. I don’t blame them. I did the same. We all have our reasons. This lead to many goodbyes and farewells, all of them sprinkled with their own unique bittersweet emotions. The last few years have been brutal. Many friendships lost, many colleagues and friends gone for good. It weighs heavy on my heart. I can also see what it does to my family every time I leave the farm. I am slowly coming to terms with the harsh reality that a massive part of life involves saying goodbye and letting go. People get old, people get sick and some just move on. One day, all of us will wake up for the last time.
So what to do ? The only way I know is to remind my loved ones of my love, spend as much quality time with them and call them up or send a message when my heart tells me to do so. I don’t walk all these hard lines anymore. I make time and I don’t wait for the perfect moment to do or say something. I do it when I feel it. I put my ego in check and tell the ones special to me that I love them. I never know when I’ll get the chance again. I chase peace. In my self and with others. Sometimes I just let go.
I wrote this song a few weeks ago for all my friends, wherever they might be. Scatterlings of Africa bound for new horizons and great adventures. I love you all and wish you well. Till our paths cross again.
Find your Way ( To Friends)
The day has finally come
and all your bags are packed
Said all your long goodbyes
and there ain’t no turning back
There’s a lover at your door
fighting hard to let you go
But you know it’s time to leave
it’s the only thing you know.
I met you long ago
We were just young men with a dream
and we burned the city down
feels like yesterday it seems
And the music that we made
will forever haunt my soul
As you made my country songs
sound like old time rock & Roll
This will never be the end
But it will be a while I know
Deepest ditches line the sides
of an unfamiliar road
But Keep that light inside
on the nights you feel alone
Remember who you are
and find your way back home.
Now brother, head on out
You ain’t got time to waste
There’s so much to be found
a whole new world awaits
The cowboys always say
“ I’ll be seeing you around “
And I will be your friend
Till they put us in the ground.
JJB
