July 2022 Newsletter
A Moment of Forever
I stomped my feet at the barroom door to get rid of the excess snow, took off my Carhartt jacket and lifted my hands like a skinny scarecrow to allow the bouncer to search me. I noticed the blue, yellow and red flame tattoo on his neck crawling up to frame his stark, square jawline. He didn’t notice the blade behind my belt buckle but he did take his time feeling up my scuffed up pair of cowboy boots. “They always hide shit in their boots “ he said with a broken toothed smile and stepped aside to let me in.
It felt good to be out of the cold and the load of an eight month contract in the Midwest was something of the past. I had survived yet another brutal season as a farmhand in Wisconsin and it was almost time to head to my friends house, pack my stuff and make my way Eastbound to New York City before flying home. I had taken a few days to spend time with and say goodbye to all the friends I had made and it naturally involved late nights and lots of bourbon, goodbye tears and heartfelt farewells. Friends I had made on the farm, the bars and the diners along the way. It was exhausting and I had one more goodbye left. One I had been putting off that whole week. Her eyes met mine as I stepped into the neon lights under the low ceiling and like so many times before my order was ready by the time I had covered the distance to the bar and rested my elbows on the well worn hardwood. A shot of Jim Bean Rye, a bottle of Budweiser and a double bourbon on ice later we finally got a chance to say hello. It was a Friday and it was humming. Burly truckers and farmers with dirty baseball caps were lining the bar shouting out orders over the loud music and rowdy laughter.
I sat there looking around at all the familiar faces and regulars trying to burn the scene into my memory. Make it a place I could visit in my mind once I returned home and had to face all the new challenges waiting there for me. Air Traffic Control school, making ends meet, moving to Johannesburg…… a fresh start. Most of all I wanted to remember her. Moving gracefully behind the bar mixing drinks and making small talk. Her fair skin, long slender neck and sad, mysterious eyes. She was the quintessential “Girl from the North Country”, born a in a small town a few miles away from Hibbing Minnesota, the birthplace of the great Bob Dylan. We got to know each other quite well over the course of my three contracts and I knew that I would probably never see her again. She is not the type that would cross the Atlantic to visit and besides the rules had been laid out long ago, never to be broken. I had signed off on the deal years back and I felt a deep regret for agreeing to the terms of our relationship sitting in that dimly lit bar on Merrill Avenue.
It was getting late and time for me to get going so I payed my tab, said my final goodbyes and walked out into the freezing Northwood night, leaning into the icy winter wind. I was just over half way across the slippery parking lot when I heard a voice behind me. It was her, walking towards me through the thick snow, her hair blowing wild in the yellow of the street light. I still find it hard to put into words what I felt that night. I obeyed the rules, got in the car and drove off into the lonely dark watching her disappear in the rearview mirror.
That night I took away with me an appreciation for “The Moment”. It could never be more than that. It didn’t make it any less significant in my heart and soul. A special memory that I’m deeply grateful for. I unfortunately still fail sometimes to apply that lesson only to look back and realise that a special moment had passed me by for some obscure reason. With everything going on in the world it’s so easy to be consumed by anger, fear, uncertainty and ignorance. So easy to miss the very moment that makes this life worth living. I’ve got a few gigs coming up and I’m hoping that things will get busier in the Spring and Summer but for now I’m keeping my head down working on the farm and taking care of the people and the animals that depend on me. I’m fighting hard against my excuses for not writing and not making time to be creative.
Performing my songs and sharing the stories create moments of immeasurable value and I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to do that from time to time.
Steven Pressfield wrote in his incredible book, The War of Art, that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. I feel that it’s the case with life as well. Life is hard sometimes and it often sucks but I think indifference takes away our ability to see the light shining through the cracks. I’m fully aware that my life is a ticket waiting to be torn but until then I’ll be chasing these special moments and hoping that I can find the words and melodies to capture them and share them with you.
“And come whatever happens now
Ain't it nice to know that dreams still come true
I'm so glad that I was close to you
For a moment of forever”
- Kris Kristofferson -
JB