People are not Poetry: Chasing the Song and Respect for the The Muse
“Breakin' any ties before they bind you
Taking any comfort you can find
Running like you're running out of time
Take it all-take it easy-till it's over-understanding….
When you're headin' for the border lord
You're bound to cross the line”
Border Lord - Kris Kristofferson.
I’ve got my guitar on my chest and coffee on the table this morning. The well worn lyric book staring me down. Outside my apartment window the Doha sun is already sitting way above the sapphire blue Persian Gulf. It’s going to be another hot one. It’s summer in the desert and venturing out into the stifling heat can get to you. Therefore I recently started recording songs I’d written over the last four years as part of my “summer project” that will hopefully materialise into a new album really soon. That is if I can be brave enough to face the songs and where they came from and not lose myself in the process. A while back I found a box of old photographs of my then wife and I in the corner of my storage unit back home. I browsed through them and realised that I could write a song about almost every one of them. It would not be an album of self pity, malice or anger. It could be an empathetic series of songs describing the trajectory of a doomed relationship but I could also address the universal themes of love, longing, loss, disappointment and perhaps redemption that most of us feel when we set sail on the treacherous waters of a relationship. So now, armed with a digital recording interface, my computer and the advice and guidance of my friends and collaborators I’m recording demos of these songs. Some were written years ago but this journey got me back to writing and at the moment the songs are coming at a steady pace. Perhaps it’s the escape from the incredibly frustrating process of recording myself that is forcing me to double down on rather writing and leaving the recording to people who enjoy it.
Probably the most meaningful aspect of this new endeavour however, is the self reflection and humility that it has brought. I realised that at times I had gotten too carried away with chasing the song and inspiration. I tasted the temptations, debauchery and excess of being a performing artist and for the most part I kept it together and respectful, but sometimes I let the lines get blurred between reality and the craft. I put people on pedestals and then waited for them to fall. I was irresponsible with their hearts and feelings. I got infatuated with people and sometimes named the muse, a cardinal sin for a songwriter. It can be a terrible burden to be someone’s muse. An artist has to respect the muse at all times and I often didn’t. Sometimes, even now I still don’t. People got hurt and disappointed. I often fell in love with the idea of a person and not with who they were, at mine and often their peril.
Luckily, in this life, you never step into the same river twice. Life and love is not linear and if you’re lucky and have some humility you can alter your course and serve the muse… not yourself. It is not easy to push ego aside. Especially when being torn between the constant battle of self doubt as an artist and mustering the courage to put out your heart and emotions, love and loss into the world. I can’t help writing songs and I will never stop. It’s just something that happens. It’s scary, frustrating and sometimes all consuming. I’m working hard on being a better person and a better songwriter and performer. Like Bob Dylan said, I’m trying to remain in a state of becoming.
Ive been struggling for a while to find a place where I belong in the world of performing arts. I’ve realised now that I don’t belong anywhere and that it’s exactly where I need to be. People I once respected are falling for the allure of the industry side of things, becoming caricatures in the world of insurance commercials and producing weak uninspired lyrics. Some heroes have become drunks playing the same setlists year after year and telling the same jokes in the same venues over and over to people who pay hard earned money for a ticket, hoping that maybe this time there would be a show that allows them to leave the club or theatre inspired and fulfilled. I will never do that. It’s a promise I make to myself every day.
These days I look to my heroes. People like Kris and Johnny, Erik Koskinen and Jeffrey Foucault. Jason Isbell. I see their honesty, their hearts in the stories and songs they bravely share with the world and I learn about performing, truth and redemption. I know it’s out there for us all. All it takes is discipline, courage, humility and a little bit of luck.
JB
People are not Poetry - Eric Hanson
You can write for hours on hours,
Of all the things that you wish you could be,
But the truth of the matter is simple, People are not poetry,
And I know that you wish you weren't awkward,
That sweet words could roll right off your tongue,
But your time here's too short just to worry,
How each single sentence is strung,
It's okay to be rough round the edges,
To be bruised up and broken and scarred, But it's not okay to let people tell you,
That it's a reason to change who you are,
Your hair doesn't always sit neatly,
The way a poem sits so neatly in lines, And sometimes you might feel like a word, That nobody has learnt to define,
You might not be a star that lights darkness, Or a bird that can teach us to soar,
But it's okay, because you are too complex,
To be crammed into one metaphor,
It's okay not to know what you're doing, Since your feelings don't have to all rhyme Though a poem once complete is eternal, You have the freedom to change over time,
You're much more than can ever be written, There is no title to say, "This Is Me",
You can't be trapped in the lines of a notebook,
Because people are not poetry.
eh.
