Friendship
I walked into the house the other night and poured a strong bourbon. A cold wind was howling and low clouds was rolling in over the city. I sat down on my couch in silence and stared at the paintings on my wall. The weather was strange but not unheard of for this time of year but it made me uneasy. The cows have already shed their winter coats, grazing is basically all gone and forty, month old calves, would have to survive their first really cold nights out on the pasture. We decided to push them into hills where they could take shelter from the wind and cold. We had ample warning from the weather service and made sure all the animals were sheltered and taken care of on the yard. It was a rough, windy couple of days but eventually we made it through without any loss of livestock. Just some roof sheets to nail back to the rafters on the shed and a few broken branches in the garden.
October was a rough one. Dry and hot on the farm, busy with maintenance, trying to keep the cows from jumping fences and and ending up in the road. Many of my friends are going through really hard times at the moment. Relocating with their families, dealing with serious illness and struggling with their mental health. All of this while the world keeps spinning and demanding every bit of its pound of flesh, indifferent to the plight of some relief. The machine hungers for money, time and blood and will not quit until it has destroyed and consumed everything about you. When considering the last few years of my life I am doing great right now. Most things are in place, I’m healthy and stable. I feel strong and resilient, relieved to have made it through a hellish couple of years with my mind clear and at least some relationships in tact.
These days it’s so hard to not become nihilistic and cynical. It is the fight I’m always fighting. I know that it is universal and that I don’t understand the reason for it. I believe in a life of service. That is the path I’ve chosen. I want to serve my friends and family, be good to them. Try and reduce the collective suffering of this world for at least a few. That is how I show Love. Through commitment, being dependable and being kind and trustworthy. It makes it difficult when people close to me don’t allow me to serve them. To support them and help carry their load. Isn’t that why we have friends at all ? To see and accept us on our best and worst days. To listen when no one wants to, to be the difference between the unbearable world and its people out there and the safety of someone who really cares. I often fall short as well and I constantly work at being a better friend.
If you are my friend, know that you are one of the few. My friendships are an inch wide and a mile deep. I see through the ones who claim to be friends but don’t commit and contribute. It hurts but I accept it. I still care but I’m done with one sided friendships. If you are my friend, know that I want to support you and help carry your load. If you don’t allow me to be there for you I’ll keep my distance until you do, even though it hurts. If you miss me, don’t just say so, make plans with me and stop blowing me off when I try. If we don’t make plans and actually do it, life will prove that we all just get swept away in the end. Stop using being busy as an excuse. Make time…or don’t. We are all busy. You either want to make an effort or you don’t. People call who they want to talk to. It’s as easy as that.
JB
